Emotional eating can affect one’s mental and physical health. Learn what’s needed to put food back in its proper place.

Everyone has an emotional relationship with food, according to Stephanie M. Smith, a clinical psychologist at Kaiser Permanente South Sacramento.

That relationship is only a problem when it becomes emotional eating. Signs include eating when not hungry, feeling embarrassed being seen eating, craving comfort foods, eating “mindlessly,” or eating past the point of feeling full.

Identifying emotional eating is one thing; getting to the root of it is another. Learn more from Dr. Smith.

How does emotional eating begin?

It often develops in childhood, if one is anxious, hurt, or not feeling in control. Food is our first sign of being loved. If we don’t know any other way, then food can be our only love. Emotional eating is a way to cope, and it may be triggered by many stressors in life — conflict, being a primary caregiver, financial issues, or any sort of difficult circumstance.

Who suffers?

Often the people who emotionally eat are the ones keeping it together in other parts of their lives. They are the social hubs, manage things at home, take on hard projects, and may do the emotional labor in relationships. Then they use food to push down their own unaddressed needs.

Like all eating disorders, data skews toward women. However, emotional eating is a coping strategy used by many men and boys, as well. Perhaps because men are often made to feel that they are not allowed to feel what they feel, food can be their companion and means of connection.

What is the initial approach to addressing it?

There needs to be the recognition that there is an emotional root to the eating behavior, and then exploration of what is behind the eating. This may be a realization that certain things trigger emotions, such as the anniversary of a death, work stress, or especially challenging people. Once a person knows their triggers and how they make them feel, the connection to food behaviors becomes much clearer.

How does change begin?

It begins through self-awareness and self-compassion. We look at new ways of managing feelings. How can you spend time, money, and energy on feeling good?

With time, change may include having assertive communications with people and taking meds if prescribed. It may mean saying good-bye to some unhealthy relationships but starting new, good ones — a lunchtime salad group or a walking club.

What may surprise us about emotional eating?

It is very akin to other sorts of addictions, in that it is an unhealthy coping strategy that can become a pattern that may seem impossible to control. But people can manage this behavior. The instinct to numb emotion with food will always be there, but we can learn not to act on that instinct.

Also, it is heart-breaking to learn just how much shame many emotional eaters have about themselves. Emotional eaters are not lacking in discipline or lazy. They are responsible people who are too used to pushing down their own needs. While others may have struggles invisible to the outside world, this group of people is often overweight and may be forced to wear struggles on the outside for all to see. It is also important to talk about “health at every size,” or HAES. There are many individuals who are “overweight” by societal norms but who are perfectly happy in their current bodies.

What are resources for help?

See your general practitioner, who can connect you to a therapist. If possible, work with someone who specializes in binge or emotional eating. There are lots of books on the topic, as well. Finally, the Binge Eating Disorder Association has valuable information.

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